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In life, conflict is inevitable at some point. It even happens in the Church. The apostles Paul and Barnabas had a disagreement that caused them to go their separate ways (Acts 15:36-39). When Paul wrote to the Philippians he had to plead for Euodia and Syntyche to agree (Philippians 4:2-3). In this blog post, I share 17 biblical principles regarding conflicts. 1. Know when to overlook a matter Proverbs 19:11 NKJV 11 The discretion of a man makes him slow to anger, And his glory is to overlook a transgression. 2. Don’t be an argumentative person Proverbs 3:30 NKJV 30 Do not strive with a man without cause, If he has done you no harm. Proverbs 26:21 NKJV 21 As charcoal is to burning coals, and wood to fire, So is a contentious man to kindle strife. Proverbs 17:19 NIV 19 Whoever loves a quarrel loves sin; whoever builds a high gate invites destruction. Note: there are people who love a quarrel! Don’t be one of them. 3. If you want a peaceful life, mind your own business Proverbs 26:17 NKJV 17 He who passes by and meddles in a quarrel not his own Is like one who takes a dog by the ears. 4. Perceive when a situation will become contentious, and prevent contention before it starts Proverbs 17:14 NKJV 14 The beginning of strife is like releasing water; Therefore stop contention before a quarrel starts. 5. Don't allow stubbornness to prevent you from coming to a reasonable compromise Proverbs 25:8 NKJV 8 Do not go hastily to court; For what will you do in the end, When your neighbor has put you to shame? Matthew 5:25–26 NKJV 25 Agree with your adversary quickly, while you are on the way with him, lest your adversary deliver you to the judge, the judge hand you over to the officer, and you be thrown into prison. 26 Assuredly, I say to you, you will by no means get out of there till you have paid the last penny. 6. Be the bigger person Proverbs 15:1 NKJV 1 A soft answer turns away wrath, But a harsh word stirs up anger. Proverbs 26:4 NKJV 4 Do not answer a fool according to his folly, Lest you also be like him. If you imitate the behaviour of a fool, you become a fool. 7. Purify your heart of anything that is not like Christ James 4:1 NKJV 1 Where do wars and fights come from among you? Do they not come from your desires for pleasure that war in your members? Proverbs 13:10 NIV 10 Where there is strife, there is pride, but wisdom is found in those who take advice. The NET Bible First Edition Notes Notes for Proverbs 13:10 states: "The parallelism suggests pride here means contempt for the opinions of others. The wise listen to advice rather than argue out of stubborn pride". 8. Let Christ’s peace fill your heart Some people are always creating drama because they don’t have peace within themselves. Colossians 3:15 NIV 15 Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful. When Christ’s peace fills your heart, you won’t be a contentious person. You will radiate that peace and live peacefully with others. 9. Don’t push someone’s buttons Proverbs 30:33 NKJV 33 For as the churning of milk produces butter, And wringing the nose produces blood, So the forcing of wrath produces strife. 10. Hear out the other person James 1:19 NKJV 19 So then, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath; Proverbs 18:13 NKJV 13 He who answers a matter before he hears it, It is folly and shame to him. Listening is important because we are not supposed to be selfish people. We want other people’s needs to be met, not only ours. Philippians 2:4 NKJV 4 Let each of you look out not only for his own interests, but also for the interests of others. 11. Watch your mouth, especially when you are angry Ephesians 4:29–30 NKJV 29 Let no corrupt word proceed out of your mouth, but what is good for necessary edification, that it may impart grace to the hearers. 30 And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. Proverbs 22:10 NKJV 10 Cast out the scoffer, and contention will leave; Yes, strife and reproach will cease. To scoff is to “speak to someone or about something in a scornfully derisive or mocking way” (Oxford Languages). But this proverb says that when the scoffer is cast out, contention will leave. Let us not be unkind with our mouths, but instead use them to promote peace. 12. Control your temper James 1:19–20 NKJV 19 So then, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath; 20 for the wrath of man does not produce the righteousness of God. Ephesians 4:26 NKJV 26 “Be angry, and do not sin”: do not let the sun go down on your wrath, Ephesians 4:31 NKJV 31 Let all bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, and evil speaking be put away from you, with all malice. Proverbs 15:18 NKJV 18 A wrathful man stirs up strife, But he who is slow to anger allays contention. Know when you are angry, and wait until you are calm before engaging. If you feel yourself boiling with rage, excuse yourself from the conversation until you have calmed down 13. Be willing to suffer wrong, for the sake of Christ Paul rebuked the Corinthians for taking cases to secular courts, instead of handling the matter themselves. He then said: 1 Corinthians 6:7 NKJV 7 Now therefore, it is already an utter failure for you that you go to law against one another. Why do you not rather accept wrong? Why do you not rather let yourselves be cheated? 14. Be ready to forgive an offence Colossians 3:13 NKJV 13 bearing with one another, and forgiving one another, if anyone has a complaint against another; even as Christ forgave you, so you also must do. Luke 17:3–4 NKJV 3 Take heed to yourselves. If your brother sins against you, rebuke him; and if he repents, forgive him. 4 And if he sins against you seven times in a day, and seven times in a day returns to you, saying, ‘I repent,’ you shall forgive him.” 15. Remember, our battle is ultimately spiritual Ephesians 6:12 NKJV 12 For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this age, against spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places. 16. Let love govern how you deal with those you disagree with 1 Corinthians 16:14 NKJV 14 Let all that you do be done with love. 17. Follow Christ's protocol if a member of the church sins against you Matthew 18:15–17 NKJV 15 “Moreover if your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault between you and him alone. If he hears you, you have gained your brother. 16 But if he will not hear, take with you one or two more, that ‘by the mouth of two or three witnesses every word may be established.’ 17 And if he refuses to hear them, tell it to the church. But if he refuses even to hear the church, let him be to you like a heathen and a tax collector. Notice that we are not to hold bitterness in our heart, we are to go and tell the person that they have wronged us: Leviticus 19:17–18 NKJV 17 ‘You shall not hate your brother in your heart. You shall surely rebuke your neighbor, and not bear sin because of him. 18 You shall not take vengeance, nor bear any grudge against the children of your people, but you shall love your neighbor as yourself: I am the Lord. Summary:
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Stuart PatticoPastor of Joy Community Church, Milton Keynes. Archives
August 2023
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